That Guy with Dirty Overalls

Paanchu! 

No, it is not a cuss word. It is short for Paanch Saab - our very own 5th Engineer on ships. Usually fresh out of college, this guy is one of my favorite people in the Engine Room, and definitely deserves whatever limited publicity I can muster for him with this page. Apart from Paanchu and Paanch Saab, he also answers to Junior, Cadet, Cadetsky, Fifth, Chote, Munna, etc. It's a long list, really. I even remember one of my seniors calling me using a sound instead of an actual word. Chicheeech!!

What do paanchus really do on a ship? Short answer is that they do every job that the other engineers hate doing themselves. Long answer? Change the date on the notice board. Get the tools. Fill up the log book. Get the right tools. Check tank soundings. Get the "jugaad" tools. Transfer bilges. Get some more tools. Transfer sludge. Get every available tool. Fire up the incinerator. Get everything that remotely looks like a tool. Clean filters. Put the tools back. 

Usually the youngest guy in the engine room, the paanchu is expected to be the fittest, the quickest and always willing to help - which means he gets to run up and down ladders whenever needed. If he is not the fittest and the quickest, well, we make sure he gets there soon. For people who have never seen a ship's engine room (most non-seafaring people and all 2nd Officers), you need to know that the engine room has a whole lot of stairwells. Not the comfortable 30-45 degrees inclination stairs we are used to - these beasts are inclined well over 60 degrees to save space, so climbing stairs is more like medieval torture than anything else. 

Climbing these steps, five thousand, seven hundred and sixteen times a day!

Our dear paanchu, when he is not busting his knees getting us our tools, also contributes in other ways, such as answering the telephone. Oh, how I hate answering phones! In case you don't remember, you can read more about that here. Back when I was the junior-most engineer, I said "Hello, Engine Control Room, 5th Engineer" more times than I care to remember. So many times, that even after I returned home and the landline rang, I said the exact same thing. To my aunt. I figured if I pretend it didn't happen she would ignore it, but she is sharp that way. "Shu bole che?!" 

Everyone does their job. Works hard. But if you look at the condition of their work clothes, you'd really think the juniors are getting a raw deal. Agreed, they end up doing a lot more of the "messy" jobs as compared to the other engineers, but very few of the guys actually bother to not dirty themselves. Paanchus look dirty even when they are not at work. As for their overalls, if you saw one lying around, you would assume it has been used to wipe the floor. In fact, I know a guy who actually did wipe the floor with his overalls, and ended up dirtying the floor a lot more!

Another job the paanchu does - providing comic relief. And they don't even know it! Some of the most hilarious moments I have had at sea have been thanks to a silly junior engineer who is as clueless on a ship as Ajay Devgn is on the dance floor. One fine morning, the Chief Engineer asked the paanchu to "get the Main Engine flow meter". Any other guy would have gone out, noted down the reading of the flow meter, and given a handwritten note to the Chief with a series of numbers scribbled on it. 

Not my paanchu! 

This guy went out and got the flow meter - except that he got the real thing. Went out, bypassed the meter, unscrewed it, cleaned it and carried it back up for the Chief to read himself. I had never before, and have never again seen a man look at another in such utter disbelief! 

These guys are overworked, underpaid and truly under appreciated. Most of my paanchus are now brilliant engineers in their own right, but every time I meet them, I can't help but think of all the goofy things they did. A shout out to my favorite Paanch Saabs: Karan, Ashish, Justin, Christopher, Efren, Pranesh - You guys are the best! 

Feel pretty goofy myself when I meet my seniors too, by the way.